Are you settling or thriving?

While some individuals list love as being one of the most important things in their unique pyramid of needs, there are some whom might not actively list love, but have more of a wishful thinking about it. What I mean by this is, they hope for it, but they are prepared to be fine if they never find it, so it might altogether be absent in their list of needs.

Why am I mentioning this?

Love and being loved needs to be felt and experienced in order for it to thrive. If we don’t use it, we lose it.

It’s important to get into why individuals have certain priorities over others in their list of needs.

1.What is the drive behind the most important thing on your pyramid?

 We would all agree that in our list of the most important needs involves access to food, clothing and shelter. Without those needs being met, we would not be able to thrive. The access to those needs is important, but differs on the individual. Some need more security in knowing that they will have those needs met and others don’t seem as motivated in making sure those needs are met.

When fulfilling your needs becomes an obsession, it can lead to a type of hoarding, also known as greed. Others are not as extreme in their obsession and take on a more altruistic approach. When their approach in fulfilling those needs become lax it can result depletion.

So, the question is this: why is it that some go through extreme measures to make sure they always have more than they need and yet others seem to put less importance in fulfilling their basic needs of survival?

What motivates peoples to either become obsessed over these needs while others seem to not put enough importance in them?

2. Is it fear? Denial? Or both?

 The difference in our level of importance on having access to our basic needs of survival is interesting. Why do some individuals end up in a position that allows them very limited access to those basic needs while others put so much importance in them that they have more than they would ever need?

It seems to be fear-driven. What we aim to fulfill and not fulfill might have to do with fear. When an individual’s priorities are centered on always having more than they need, that can be a sign that they fear death. When an individual has less than they need, that can be a fear of life, or living.

The same can be seen when it comes to love.

If we over prioritize the need to love and be loved, it can be a result of the fear of being alone (monophobia). That’s one extreme. The other extreme is if we do not prioritize the need to love and be loved then that can be a fear of being in a committed relationship (commitment phobia). Whichever one it is, it can be a trigger from our past (and even past lives, if you believe in that).

Here are a few reasons why an individual might feel the need to be in a relationship:

-The fear of being alone.

-Witnessed or experienced abandonment.

-The feeling of not being loved.

-The feeling of not being important.

-Lack of self-love.

Here are a few reasons why an individual might not want to be in a committed relationship:

-Witnessed or experienced a toxic relationship.

-Fear of monogamy.

-Witnessed or experienced betrayal of a loved one (such as adultery or abandonment).

-The loss of a loved one.

-Lack of love and affection.

-Lack of self-love.

We are not born feeling that way toward love and it is not the case for everyone. Unless there is a history of mental illness, the reason might or might not be the result of how they were nurtured growing up and their life experiences.

3.Are you settling or thriving?

Look at your love situation as of late. Are you in a position where you see yourself thirty years from now? If you do, what is it about your love life that is making it thrive? What is about your relationship status that keeps you happy? Whether you are single or committed, you are still in a relationship. As a single person, the relationship is with yourself. If you are committed to somebody, the relationship is with yourself and with them.

If you are single or in a committed relationship and you find that you are not at your happiest, ask yourself: “What in my list of priorities am I not fulfilling at this time?”

To thrive is to acknowledge your priorities and fulfill them. When we settle, those priorities are not acknowledged and so they are not fulfilled. It makes us feel like something is missing. That priority will not go away. When we don’t fulfill it, there’s a high probability that you will experience the feeling of resentment or regret.

4.The Priority is your Happiness.

 Life is too short to try and live up to what others want from you, especially if those expectations are not who you are nor what you want. There are responsibilities in life. Realizing what makes you happy in order to fulfill them is just as important.

When we fail to take our priorities into consideration we will start to lose focus and eventually become indifferent. It is not about neglecting things that you hate doing, or leaving obligations because you don’t feel like doing them. It’s about being true to yourself and your own needs, so you can fulfill those responsibilities and obligations with ease.

This is your life. Make it great on your terms. That includes love.

**This article is from my experience and point of view. It is not supported by any data or scientific research.



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