Excuse me, ‘self’? I don’t think we’ve met…

Struggling to succeed. Conflicting ideas. Struggling with your inner thoughts. Trying to hold onto who you are and what you want.

Any of these sound familiar?

In my experience, this is usually the result of a ‘conflict from within’, when one part of you fails to acknowledge or love the other part of you.

Don’t forget that this is an article void of any actual research and is merely written from my own experiences.

Back to the subject at hand…

Let’s discuss a fictional scenario:

Imagine your typical ‘wake up’ routine. You get up; you go to the bathroom, brush your teeth, wash your face; you make yourself a cup of coffee… What are your first thoughts when your day starts? What is that initial thought you have when you drag your tired body out of bed? What do you think about? Is it a positive or negative thought process? How do you feel about yourself when you look in the mirror? What is your ‘self-talk’ like?

Not realized by many, the way we speak within ourselves –our impending thoughts- have the power to shape how the rest of the day will go. Give it whether you think about your job or your routine, how do you feel about it?

Our subconscious has a way of seeping in and manifesting when we least expect it to. Our inner dialogue can have a positive impact as well as a negative impact on our life patterns.

Let’s take this scenario as an example:

“John Doe went to bed on time and had a full night’s rest. But he always seems to wake up exhausted, especially during the week. He has an office job downtown that he commutes to five days a week, and works a nine-hour a day schedule. The minute he gains consciousness, his first emerging thought is: “Man, it’s only Monday? I hate my job.”

First negative thought pattern of the day.

John Doe makes his way to the bathroom. He washes his face and brushes his teeth. As he looks at his tired face in the mirror, he thinks, “God, I look tired.”

Second thought pattern of the day.

When John Doe starts his commute to work, there’s an accident on the highway, making traffic slower. He thinks: “Great. Now I am going to get to work late and my boss will yell at me.”

Third thought pattern of the day.

We have all heard of the term Law of Attraction. And it is very true. How we think is what we manifest. Most of us forget how powerful our thoughts really are and are almost unaware of our constant negative thought processes. We are so used to having them, that we don’t think twice about what we are thinking and how it is impacting our lives.

This is what I feel are important things to remember about thought-processes:

  1. Even though you don’t mean to, it can impact your lifestyle.

Let’s be realistic: there is not a Soul on Earth that has not had a negative thought or two when doing some self-talk. It’s a part of being Human. We all have done it, some more than others. We don’t need to punish ourselves for having those thoughts. It is a part of who we are. The main reason we have these inner dialogues is to communicate with ourselves on how we are feeling. It is how we process emotion. The gist of it is: we have to try and not get stuck in that thought pattern.

So, with the example of John Doe. The first thought he had was, “Man, it’s only Monday? I hate my job.”

Even with that thought he could turn it around and add: “But I know something better for me will come. This is temporary.”

That makes the positive thought in the end make him feel more optimistic about his day, setting the tone for his next thought processes.

Don’t punish yourself for your negative thoughts. Just try and add a positive thought in there with it. Make one part of yourself love and acknowledge the other part of yourself, so you don’t feel there is an inner war inside of you trying to fight or win over the other side. Accept both positive and negative thoughts. They are a part of you, so love and accept them equally.

  1. What do you want?

The hardest question most people struggle to answer is: “What is it you really want in this life?”

Most people immediately identify themselves on what they do or want to do as a career. Or maybe they identify themselves as who they are or want to be in a family role. Like, ‘I am a father.” “I want to be a grandmother.”

But what if that question is asking us: “What drives you? What is the one thing you want the most out of life?” And I don’t mean ‘material’ needs. What I mean is, what does your Soul need in order to feel fulfilled? Would your answer change? Maybe not. But why do you want to be a grandmother? Is it so you can see your daughter or son more? Is it to experience the joy of having children around all the time? What is that inner need coming from?

When you dig deeper, what would the ultimate answer be? Maybe the answer has to do with: ‘I want to be a grandmother, so I am never alone and that I am always surrounded by family.’

In this case would the answer be: “My drive is to never be alone and always surrounded by family.” That would be a more direct and to the point answer of what you want in life.

If you are struggling to answer this question, you are not the only one. It is hard to narrow down and strip away the conditioning and the positive/negative reinforcements we have gone through growing up. They tend to strip away our ability to self-recognize our own unique wants and needs. The obvious ones like food, shelter and financial security do not apply here. It is what fulfills us to keep going. That is our drive. That is our goal.

Try sitting in front of a mirror in a room by yourself. Start to talk to yourself. Ask your self, “What is it that you really want?”

There will be moments of friction, even when talking to your self. If you get frustrated, stop and try again when you are ready. Be patient. Try and give your self time to digest that question. There will be a monologue exchange between you and your self in the mirror.

It’s healthy to have these ‘talks’ because it’s free of judgment or misunderstanding. It gives you a chance to strip away all that what others have wanted from you, and what was expected of you from others. It helps you dig deep to that one aspect of yourself buried underneath all of that which you had been subjected to.

Steer clear of negative self-talk. Have an open, honest and healthy conversation with yourself. Do it whenever you feel the need, but don’t rush. The answer will come when both aspects of yourself is truly ready to meet the other aspect. Once you come to an understanding, you will immediately notice that any feelings of disconnection and repulsion slowly disintegrate and form finally into a feeling of connection and self-love.

  1. You are allowed to be Human

We are all on a unique journey.

There’s no such thing as a journey being fulfilled. Every day is a journey within itself and there is an infinite amount of knowledge available to us. If we find we have made a mistake, acknowledge it, learn from it and proceed. Don’t set a number or an expectation on yourself. You will learn at your own pace and with as many lessons as you need.

The one thing you need to ask yourself is: “What have I/what can I learn from this?” If you can answer that with a neutral emotional response then that means you are cognizant that what was presented to you was only there to help you in your path toward self-love, self-growth and self-realization.

Don’t ever beat yourself up!

If you feel that things keep repeating and happening to you over and over, ask yourself: “What did I miss that I need to learn from, but cannot see?” If you listen and you keep yourself aware, the answer(s) will present themselves to you.

Above all, be patient and be kind. Especially to yourself.

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