I bet you don’t know what it is.
I’ll give you a minute to guess.
If you thought miscommunication…nope. But it’s a very good guess because it’s part of it. But this one is worse. In my opinion.
What can be worse than miscommunication? Cheating? Yeah…but in this case, it applies to ALL relationships. Not only romantic ones. This includes friends, coworkers, and family members AS WELL AS love relationships.
Ok, fine! I’ll tell you. You have been very patient so far! I’ll let you in on the little secret…
So, let’s get serious with this! The ultimate relationship killer that I think ends either short-term and/or long-term relationships is one thing we have all done, but some more than others.
Can you guess what it is?
Yes. Gossip. Gossiping. The act of gossiping.
Gossiping has been done for as long as we could use language for communication. But the definition is too broad in dictionaries to make sense of what it actually is. It can be defined as the act of spreading news, or the telling of something about someone to a third party.
Ultimately, that definition is correct. But, here is my definition on what gossiping is in a VERY specific form:
Gossiping is the act of sharing negative information and/or putting somebody else down in their absence. This is also known as backstabbing.
It has been in my experience that gossiping is always negative. And even though it is in some way the spreading of news, nine times out of ten the news is negative and makes an absent party look bad in some way.
We have all done it. Some more than others, as I have mentioned before. Some are addicted to the spread of other’s dirty laundry. However, before you decide to get involved in your next round of my definition of gossip, keep these things in mind:
- Why are you gossiping?
Let’s get something clear. People talk about other people. Some more than most. It is what Humans do. And if you consider yourself self-righteous by thinking, “Well, I never talk about other people”, stop reading my blog and practice some self-reflection. You have, maybe in some small way, but you have. It doesn’t make you a bad person! Don’t jump to that! Just realize it happens to us all. It happens amongst us all. No matter how minuscule it might have been. Recognize. Accept. Move on. Don’t take what I say personal. Because it’s not.
You have, at some point, talked about others. Unless you lived in a cave your whole life, don’t deny it. Deny it to myself and others, just don’t deny it to yourself.
There is a difference between talking about someone and gossiping. You can talk about someone positively or share news about them to someone else. That’s not gossiping, that’s spreading news and socially interacting. If you are talking about someone just for the purpose of putting them down in front of others, then that is gossip. There is no positive construct there.
Gossip is hardly ever personal. It is only a reflection of the person who is gossiping’s own insecurities onto others in an attempt to feel superior.
The next time you find yourself putting someone down in front of others for no reason other than to put them down, then you need to contemplate what is lacking in your life. Self-love, maybe?
- “Gossiping blocks blessings.”
This is absolutely true. I am using this quote from one of my favorite astrologers, Amber Khan, who has her own YouTube channel. She’s beautiful, smart and talented. I highly recommend her.
In one reading she did, she talked about gossip, and she said: ‘gossiping blocks your blessings.’ I could not agree more. My belief is that when you gossip, your negative thoughts lower your energy vibration. What that means is, you become less connected to your crown chakra, which is the chakra that is connected to God or the Creator of all that is, if you believe in God. If you don’t believe in God or a higher power, than that simply means it weakens your attachment with your sense of self, and henceforth you are less connected to what you want to manifest in your life.
Thoughts are a powerful thing. Probably one of THE most powerful things in Life. This is because thoughts can manifest into reality. The stronger these thoughts are, the more likely they will manifest into something.
If you have a negative thought process about others, it is only a reflection of something you feel about yourself and the things you feel you lack in your life. To speak your thoughts is to manifest more of the same, and therefore it keeps the good things in your life from coming for as long as those thoughts persist.
Changing your thought process and the way you think of others can also change your relationship with yourself and what you think of yourself, which is not always something we are consciously aware of, but we can all agree: happy people think happy thoughts, most of the time.
- When you gossip with others about others, it diminishes trust.
Participating in gossip with somebody else can feel like bonding, but it’s not. Quite the contrary. If you are talking bad about somebody that is not present in the conversation, it can more often than most, make the ones involved in the gossiping question your loyalty to them.
What do I mean by that?
They will automatically assume, without fail, that when they are not around, you will have the knack of talking about them behind their back. Am I right? There is not one person on this planet whom did not find themselves questioning a gossiper’s loyalty in their friendship/relationship. Ergo, they start to question the gossiper’s real intentions which might eventually lead to withdrawing from the relationship altogether.
- It is a form of bullying.
This might not occur to us that what we are saying behind someone’s back might affect them in some way. But it does, and it can.
Whatever is said about somebody else, whether they are there to hear it firsthand or not, will eventually be known to them. It might not be verbatim and it might not be verbally expressed, but they will know. It can come across as a feeling through passive behavior toward them from others. Or it might be how they are treated from what had been said about them. The information might or might not be true, but it will be construed as a result of the spread of gossip to others, and it will reach them and affect them in some way.
That to me is a form of bullying.
You are projecting a negative image of them to others whom will most likely believe what they hear. This will make those believers act a certain way toward that person, and then that person will end up feeling the negative side effects of the gossiping. It can have an affect on their happiness, their sense of safety and livelihood. That to me is bullying.
- Resentment; if unresolved becomes regret.
This is the communication bit of the relationship and it affects everyone involved. The people who heard the gossip feel like they were put in the middle of it and will become apprehensive to speak out because they feel the gossiping would be about them next time. So, they avoid confrontation or speaking up for themselves. They will even refrain from defending those being gossiped about and so they remain indifferent.
This can affect the person who started gossiping in the exact same way. They will feel that because they engaged in the act of gossiping, the people whom they gossiped with will gossip about them, too. In the end, everyone gets hurt. That is not a healthy, lasting relationship scenario at all. It becomes a toxic whirlwind of unrelenting drama.
- If you have an opinion, make it constructive, not destructive.
We have all been there when we couldn’t figure out our partners and we turned to our friends and family members for advice to get some constructive feedback. It’s Human to do that! How we talk it out in order to come to terms with our own feelings and be able to see different perspectives is healthy and sometimes necessary in order to get past the emotional bit. That’s constructive, not destructive. You are essentially taking what you figured out and hopefully going back to talk to the main person.
As much as you can, keep positive. Communicate constructively, not destructively. Learn from it. It will be fine. Just remember this: your thoughts and your words are powerful. Use them wisely.